If there is one thing I enjoy more than a well-cooked steak, it is humor in marketing. And on this Change of Venue Friday, I share a restaurant that’s combined both. (Don’t worry: There’s something legal here too.)

The eatery is Smith & Wollensky in New York City. Their website, as it is, is pretty snazzy.

What makes their presence ever more beefy is a promotion they have going on right now: Take their pledge of loyalty to all things Smith & Wollensky, and you may be selected to have your name adorn their restaurant.

Think you’ve got what it takes? Here’s the pledge:

I didn’t mean to be obscure about this: When they say they will change the restaurant name, that’s exactly what they mean:

“What does it feel like to have a steakhouse be truly yours? Our regulars know and now you can too. Every day from Oct. 3 – Oct. 31, we’re literally changing the name of our restaurant to the name of a different randomly chosen guest who pledges to make Smith & Wollensky their steakhouse. We’re changing the signs, the awnings, everything. Just book a table, take our pledge and you can make Smith & Wollensky yours. O’Doyle & Wollensky? Chang & Wollensky? It can happen.”

So let’s get all lawyerly for a moment (I can do that, you know, even on Fridays). When the S&W folks get to the fine print, they continue to dazzle. Read that text and have a chuckle:

Terms & Conditions

“By making a reservation, you are agreeing to the terms of the pledge and will not patronize other steakhouses. This is only binding to the definition of patronize as ‘to be a frequent or regular customer of,’ e.g., ‘For some reason, he patronizes Del Frisco’s regularly.’ If you are going by the alternate definition of patronize – ‘to adopt an air of condescension toward,’ – please feel free to engage in patronizing other steakhouses, e.g., ‘He patronizes Del Frisco’s regularly about how cute their failed attempts to be Smith & Wollensky are.’

“In the event that you find yourself, whether through coercion, deceit or kidnapping, dining at a steakhouse other than Smith & Wollensky, you are required to act with the dignity inherent in a Smith & Wollensky customer, even when faced with inferior steaks, second-class service or a drink with an umbrella. However, your dignity does not preclude you from making snide comments and you should feel free to do so.

“Entering a profane or obviously made-up last name will disqualify you from this offer, no matter how hilarious it may be.”

Committed as I may to my work (even on a Friday), I had to wonder: What lessons could Arizona Attorney Magazine or the State Bar of Arizona learn from this naming gambit? Would readers adopt our tome, forswearing all other rivals, if we were to place their name on the cover? Would members’ hearts swell and their ardor grow heated if they could become part of “The State Bar of Tim”—even if just for a day?

Fortunately, greater marketing minds than mine must wrestle with those possibilities. For myself, I must get me to a chop house.

But not Del Frisco’s. Never, ever, Del Frisco’s.