Arizona and the rest of the country saw a political wave wash over elected offices yesterday. Pundits attributed it to discontent with the current administration. But it may have to do with science, some say.

Suspicions about a “political vortex” had been percolating for some time, said Ralph Beerbohm, a climate and astrology scientist at Embry–Riddle University. The mass of voter-induced change that grew this fall was so great, he said, that experts began to believe a “cosmological shift” was in the works.

Carnegie Mellon scientist Audrey DuBay agreed. The expert on geologic formations and their surrounding chakras presented an August paper at a national conference that examined “Steeped in Rand Paul: The Impact of Seismic Shifts on Party Politics.”

“Discontent with health insurance reform can only be part of the explanation,” said DuBay. “But the tidal wave of change the country is experiencing almost certainly comes from a deeper source. I think it is a geomagnetic source.”

Scientific consensus on that possibility crested last night, when the mid-term elections—a bloodbath for Democrats—coincided with another literally Earth-shaking event.

Bristol Palin with her dance partner Mark Ballas

“No one, and I mean no one, expected that Bristol Palin would be retained on Dancing With the Stars,” said Carl Schripke, senior foxtrot expert at the National Academy of Sciences. “No one saw that coming.”

If an objectively weaker dancer could be sustained on the ABC program, he said, while “stars” of noticeably greater skills could be “voted out,” our electorate must be in the grip of a cosmologic “mind-meld” that favors Republicans—and their children.

Even as experts agree that a seismic shift is occurring, the consequences are unknown.

“Clearly, a political vortex has descended on the United States,” said Schripke. “But more research is desperately needed.”

Among the open questions are how long the vortex will last, whom it will affect, and how it skipped over some geologic formations like Nevada and Vermont.

“Are the beneficiaries just elected officials?” Carnegie Mellon’s DuBay mused. “Or could sudden good fortune flow to any registered Republican?”

Local results suggest the benefits may trickle down.

Mesa resident Arthur Frock has been voting Republican since his first election in 1956. And Wednesday morning saw some amazing results.

“I didn’t think [Republican Attorney General candidate] Tom Horne could win this thing,” Frock said. “But this morning I see he did—and the nut grass that’s been plaguing my front lawn for years has disappeared—overnight.”

Embry–Riddle’s Beerbohm urged more study, but also action.

“We’ve always believed that Democrats benefit most from vortexes,” he said, citing past medical marijuana law successes. “But the chakra may have turned. There is so much we don’t know.”

“As a scientist, I am baffled, and I can’t wait to get into the lab to look at the Republican-success data,” Beerbohm said. “But if I were a registered Republican, I would not sit back and wait for the results of controlled experiments, which could take months.”

“I would go out—now—and buy a lottery ticket. Maybe two. I mean, this can’t just be politics. This is science.”

Advertisements